Refocusing on Family-Based Care

After a month of great food, family games and little cousins meeting each other, it’s time to re-enter the world of Huehue.

It’s the place that has become our home over the last few years. But it feels even more like our home for one major reason: we continue to live here even though we no longer work for one of the only nonprofits in the area.

In September, we decided that upon our return to Guatemala in November we would no longer be working for Story International, or for the children’s home that it funds and operates.

Where did this decision come from? It is rooted in months of conversation about what orphan care means for our family and, ultimately, a paradigm shift for our role in the future.

We have spent the last nine months connecting with others around Guatemala and the world who do similar work – orphan care, that is. Through these interactions, we have seen that there are many different ways to care for God’s children outside the context of an orphanage. 

The end result is that we have become convinced that our role in orphan care is not in an orphanage at all. Instead, it is to open up our home and simultaneously encourage existing organizations to support family strengthening and reunification services.

If you want more information on what family-based care means, you can check out Brooklin’s post on Medium.

For our own family, we believe that the last three years have brought us to a very specific jumping off point. In the immediate future, the paradigm shift means bringing in one of the older girls that we have developed a relationship with over the past . “C” is two years away from finishing high school, and we want to support her as she transitions away from an orphanage and into her own life. “C” will be living with us as she finishes school, and we will be supporting her in any way we can during this time.

The second jumping off point is to continue pursuing adoption for “A”, one of the youngest girls that we have taken care of. We have felt the calling to adopt her since the day that we met her. Our residency papers are all in order, and we are just waiting on approval before going through the adoption process. Stepping out of working in an orphanage setting means that we can open our own home as a forever family.

At the same time, we are looking for ways to support the movement toward family-based care in Guatemala. This means working with both children’s homes and churches in encouraging competent care giving, reunification, foster care, and adoption.

Right now, that role isn’t exactly clear. We expect that it will be in the future. For now, our role is to pursue the little girl that has been placed in our life and to support “C” as she transitions out of an institution and into the real world. This is our focus in the coming two years.

More than anything, we know that we still have a lot to learn. We are convinced that we are called to continue working in international children’s rights and orphan care – probably for life. In this stage, we look forward to learning everything that we can while we take these two steps with our family.

We are very blessed to know that we have the body of Christ behind us and the Holy Spirit in front of us.

P.S. If you would like to support us financially in this new season, please visit https://www.youcaring.com/nash-family-in-guatemala

 

The Spirit of Adoption - and the reality of abandonment

Where do I begin. 

I am without words.

Do I begin with her, climbing on me before I have a chance to say no.  The strongest ‘baby’ I have ever met, staring in my eyes with her open, gorgeous expression, and the next thing she says is “You’re ugly.”  Nice to meet you too, sweetheart.

Fast forward a few months, she is no longer a ‘baby’ but a big kid in the wide open space that is the children's home.  No siblings to protect her.  No caretaker to watch after her.  She felt alone, invisible, overlooked.  She was no longer the boss of all the other babies, but a vulnerable one in a new room, with new roommates, no routine or structure.  She sat in my lap and cried her eyes out and then looked up at me and asked, “Will you adopt me?” and “What is adoption?”  Caught off-guard, I mumbled some bland response.  In my heart, I wanted to scream, YES.  I mentioned this to Brook later and from then on out, this little girl was first on our minds and hearts.

A few months after that, we were asked to be house parents.  The logical option for us was to look after the little boys because of certain teenagers leaving the home.  We were to be the first adult caretakers the home had experienced.  Prior, it had been teenagers who also came from trauma looking after the younger kids.  But after prayer and intuition, it seemed more fitting to put us with the little girls.  Who was in that little girl group? Yes, my precious and spunky firecracker.  If what was before a far-off dream that we knew was impossible, we got one step further in our pursuit of her, by getting to take care of her, guide her, pray with her, play with her, get punched, scratched, kicked and poked by this beloved daughter of the King. 

We got to KNOW her.  Know when she was tired, know when she was having a heart cry, know when she was feeling introverted and wanted to stare in space, know that she loved to be the boss but also had her sweet, goofy side, know that she heard the Holy Spirit clearly, know that she was brave beyond measure even when she would pour her fears on us, grabbing us and not letting us leave her until she was asleep at night.  Through all this, life with her confirmed that we wanted to pursue her until she was our legal, forever daughter.

Steps were taken to pursue this legal process.  Steps were delayed, but made the process more intact.  Lawyers, embassies, consulates, passport copies and stamps and more stamps.  Decision to move out of the Fundacion because if we were living there, this would be another obstacle to pursuing her as our daughter.

Called into a meeting.  Informed there was a family ready to adopt our precious one.  Shock, confusion, joy, gratefulness.  We wanted what was best for her.  Yes, we wanted her to be ‘ours’ but ultimately we knew she was His and if this family wanted to take care of and love her, we surrendered and rejoiced because adoption is beautiful.

We prayed that we would be able to see her off before we moved to Guatemala City for 2 months.  The family came two days before we left.  Thank you Jesus.  Sweet parents, who seem to be dedicated and lovely.  We got to hug and cry and say our farewells to the one we dreamed of calling daughter, her smiling, laughing, shouting ‘mommy’ to the woman she just met, bouncing in a booster seat.  Her excitement and joy exploding out of her.  She understood. She knew she now was part of a family.  Forever.

Well, I guess, forever is not always forever.  Less than two months later, they gave up.  They could not handle her cries. They didn’t want her anymore.  We don’t know why. Maybe they weren’t prepared for a child who experienced abandonment and institutional care all her life.  Maybe they couldn’t imagine the emotional outbursts we warned them about.  Maybe they thought it would be easy for her to leave the only home she had ever known to go live with a rich family in the City.  They wanted another daughter to accompany the one they already had.  They wanted a second daughter to make their family better, not harder.  Were they willing to sacrifice their lives, persevere and love this child selflessly?  Whose interest was it for them to adopt, theirs or hers?

This. This is too much.  This is the girl we wanted to be ours.  The one who asked me once, “Your are my real mom, right?” and who I wanted with every ounce in me to say yes, of course, dear. You are my firecracker, my girl. I love you. I will never leave you.  But I couldn’t, because my dream hadn’t come true yet.  The paperwork was waiting.  The laws were against us.  Life in this country is so unpredictable.  Courts and judges don’t make right decisions.  I would be lying if I said yes and I would be giving false hope if I even hinted that this was my great desire.

I have seen a four year old take his last breath, I have sat through sobs of a teenage girl who saw her best friend burn in flames, I have spent hours in the national hospital with another little one who could have died from eating a toxic plant, I have defended the same one when she told me a man kissed her in her ‘inside part’ and no one else believed her, I have cried out in prayer for the children I love to be healed and freed, but this. This.  An adopted child “returned”? Abandoned. Again.  This is the worst.

Why is this the worst above all?  Because adoption is the most beautiful demonstration of what Father God has done for us.  He has gifted us with the Spirit of Adoption.

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15)

Knowing that we are sons and daughters is fundamental to knowing our identity, our purpose, and where we belong.  This little girl who never knew what a family was to begin with, is now more confused and more unaware of what Father God is offering her, eternal adoption, one that will never change it’s mind.  No matter how much she screams, hits, cries, says “I hate you,” or calls out for other caregivers (or idols), Father God loves her and never turns His back on her.  But how is she going to know that?  How will she read the Bible and read about this “Spirit of adoption” and know what that means?  Her experience shows her that adoption isn’t anything more than visiting a nice couple’s house and missing her old life and then being sent to another home to “try” another family, who might reject her.   This is not the gospel.  This is heartbreaking.

God is a god who pursues.  While her biological parents and this “adoptive” couple let her down, God doesn’t.  I know that He is there with her.  I pray she knows it.  In the meantime, Brook and I, with the support of our Guatemalan staff, have been following up on her case.  Apparently, she got placed with another “adoptive” family, but we shall see whether this family perseveres in the Spirit of adoption or choose the easy Spirit of abandonment.  We are praying for God’s will to be done, for He is holy and knows what is good, but we are also praying for our desire to be done; to bring our firecracker home.  We are coming to the Lord as the persistent widow does.

“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?  I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:1-8)

Please be praying with us.  She is now with another family.  If this family is the family she is meant to be with, we surrender our desire and we pray blessing upon this family and that healing happens in this little girl’s life and that all confusion and Spirit of abandonment leaves and Spirit of adoption grows.  But if this family gives up as well, we pray that this little girl becomes our daughter and that despite many laws and what seems impossible, God splits the seas and makes a way.  He has done it before and I know He will do it again. 

Please pray that we and this little girl see the beauty of Jesus in all of this.  Please pray for us to persevere in prayer like the widow because it is easy to give up and lose hope.  Please pray for the adoption organization in Guatemala (CNA) to prepare future adoptive parents more adequately- kids from trauma are not easy kids.  Parents have to know that and have tools to work with their children. Otherwise, many kids will experience multiple cycles of abandonment. 

Please pray for a Spirit of adoption in this country, where international adoption is closed and there is not a culture of adoption locally.  When people do want to adopt it is usually because they can’t have their own, rather than wanting to bring the orphan home as a first choice.  Please pray that the last (the orphan) comes first in this country.  Let people rise up who will reflect the nature of God, who is a good Father. 

A New Chapter, a New Daughter, and a New Family

Just when we thought our life could not get any crazier and joyful, it did. The new crazy joy came in the form Avital Fae, the newest addition to our little immediate family. Avi was born at 11:43am on May 30^th after 39 hours of labor.  At 8 pounds 5 ounces, twenty inches long, she is a happy and healthy baby girl. The last few weeks have been a crash course in how to be parents to a newborn – which is how it’s supposed to be, I’m sure all you parents out there will tell us.

We want to say thank you to every single person who has supported us (and Avital) during this season. We feel beyond blessed to have received all kinds of encouragement and gifts from our friends and family in the United States, Canada, England, and Guatemala. Avi is already very spoiled with clothes, cloth diapers, travel cribs, and more (and I’m sure having both grandmas here didn’t help with the whole spoiling thing). So thank you, from all three of us.

We could not be happier with how the birth went (midwifery is catching), and every day is a new step forward with our daughter! We have spent the last two months in Guatemala City, and now we head back to Huehuetenango. As we get ready to jump back into the fray, I wanted to take time to reflect on this season and update all of you on the past two months.

When we stepped out of house parenting in February and booked an apartment in Guatemala City for May and June, we expected to take a step back and catch our breath a bit. We imagined a month of a sabbatical (of sorts) followed by a month of paternity and maternity leave. While we haven’t returned to Huehue since leaving at the end of April, this chapter has not been the season of rest that we expected or hoped for. But we could not be happier with the way God used our time over the past two months.

First and foremost, we have had the opportunity to connect with many brothers and sisters, meeting some of the coolest people we have ever met. We found an awesome church in Antigua, began friendships that we pray will last a lifetime, and received immeasurable encouragement from men and women who have a lot more experience than us in pretty much everything. Becca has received support and advice from missionary moms, I’ve had some validation in our purchase of a car, and we both have connected with awesome people that are doing similar things with a similar vision as us. This is simply not something that would have happened if we had stayed in Huehue – or returned to the United States, for that matter. The friendships formed and connections made during the past two months are invaluable to us.

The second piece of big news is that we bought a car! Cars are notoriously difficult in Guatemala, so we put off buying one. Despite putting it off, we had a nagging feeling that a car would just be a necessary part of life now that we were going to be a party of three. A few weeks before Avi was born we stumbled on an exceptionally good deal. Through two different connections, we found the car we were hoping for from the very beginning. Not only that, but the missionary that sold it to us shaved off $500 from the price for us, and a trustworthy mechanic rebuilt the engine two years ago. All of this convinced us that this was one of the best deals we were going to find. We took out a $3500 personal loan to purchase the car, since it can be difficult to find a good deal on a car that is also in good condition. It’s a 1996 Toyota 4Runner in great condition. Relearning to drive a manual transmission in the big city was a little crazy, but we are getting the hang of it. If you are interested in supporting us in this purchase, you can find more information in the “P.S.” below.

The final piece of big news is that we have finally submitted all of the necessary paperwork for Guatemalan residency! That was one of the major reasons this season has been busier than imagined. We gathered our paperwork stateside back in September, but we were waiting for the birth of our Guatemalan citizen (that’s Avital) to complete the process for permanent residency. The few weeks after she was born were filled with embassy visits, passport appointments, a few runs to RENAP (the National Registry) and a few meetings with our lawyer. As of two days ago, our applications are officially being processed. Now it’s just a waiting game – the process can take anywhere from nine to twelve months. We are praying it will only take six, since this is the first step toward being able to foster or adopt in this country.

Looking forward, we have two major prayer requests that we would like to share with all of you.

            Prayer Request: Transitioning Back to Work in Huehue in July

            July is slated to be a crazy month back home. We have three mission teams joining us in the month to come, I’ll be jumping back into my responsibilities with Story International, the kids go on vacation from school, and we have our own baby girl to take care of. Please pray for wisdom in creating space for our own family, as well as for strength to do the best that we can do in our work with and for the kids.

            Prayer Request: Financial Provision

            We want to be honest: this season has hit us harder financially than we expected.             Between fees associated with our residency process (a total of $1100), purchasing a car ($3500) and deciding that we should finally get health and life insurance ($2000) we are not in the best place financially. Please pray for both peace of mind and provision in this area.

As we finish packing up today to return home tomorrow, we are thankful for this season. More than anything, though, we are excited to get back to our apartment, our community, and the kids that God has called us to love.

We look forward to this next chapter as a new family, and we invite you along for the ride!

Love in Christ,

Brooklin & Becca & Avital

P.S. We are thankful for the good deal that we were basically handed in the car. We have already been able to use it for our community as they come in and out of the capital city, and moving back to Huehue will be much easier with it. While we are convinced that the 4Runner is necessary, the purchase does put us in a sticky situation financially. We have already fundraised our basic living costs for the year, but this did not account for the newfound necessity of a car. One of our supporters has already pledged $1,000 toward the car, so that leaves only $2,500 to fully pay it off. If you feel called to help us offset the cost of the car, or have more questions about the purchase, you can reach out to us at brooklin.nash@gmail.com.

One of Avital's first outings - (the 4Runner is also featured)

Avi isn't so sure about her new passport

Guatemala City, That's Where I Wanna Be

Pregnancy in Guatemala: Becca’s Take

“Don’t eat chicken or drink too much Chamomile!”

“Don’t ride on the moped when it’s a full moon.  She will come early.  When it’s a full moon, your water will break because the moon controls the waters.  That happened to my daughter.”

Me: “The doctor said it’s a girl.” A friend with no medical experience: “No, I’m telling you, it’s definitely a boy.  You will see, it’s a boy.”

Lady at the baby store- “Oh, we don’t sell crib mattresses here… hmmm… oh, the internet store, called Click, yah the one by the gas station… you go in and they sell baby mattresses.” Only after arriving to find the store closed did it dawn on me that crib mattresses should not be sold at Internet stores. I start to think we have been living here too long.

These are the types of things I have heard for the past eight months. Many things have been interesting, entertaining, and at the very least, mind boggling while being pregnant in Guatemala.  But what is not entertaining about pregnancy in Guatemala is that 80% of births in private hospitals are C-sections.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m not into unnecessary C-sections.  Many of my Guatemalan mom friends have told me their birthing stories and most seem terrifying.  Each woman tells me their story with such innocence, thinking that their story is an isolated experience, but what I hear is a web of stories that are the result of widespread dehumanized, greedy, and uninformed medical care.  Because of this, we have had to take a little break from Huehue to seek the best options for our little one on the way.

Thankfully, there is hope. Her name is Hannah Freiwald.  She is known to missionaries and expats as the midwife because, well, almost everybody who doesn’t want to risk an unnecessary C-Section uses her services.  She is a trained German midwife who operates her own natural birthing clinic in Guatemala City, Centro Integral de Parto Natural Ixchel.  She also has another clinic outside of Antigua that predominantly serves low-income indigenous patients, Manos Abiertas.  After hearing great reviews and meeting her in person, Brook and I knew we needed to have our baby at her clinic.  I feel confident in having a drug free water birth; one that I know will not result in surgery unless absolutely necessary. 

We recently left Huehue and arrived at a studio apartment near the clinic.  We will be here for a month before the baby is due and a month after, just in case she comes early or late.  Having a month after the due date will also help us have time to get all of our paperwork together (birth certificate, social security cards, passports, and the first steps of permanent residency). Our little one will have dual citizenship, meaning that we will be parents to a Guatemalan.  Because of this, we will be able to get permanent residency faster than going through the normal process.  Our plan has been to get residency for a while because it will open up opportunities that we previously did not have.  For example, if you are a permanent resident in Guatemala, you can legally adopt here; other foreigners cannot.  We give this privilege over to the Lord and will see how He uses our lives here.

But before we can think about future plans, we are focused on preparing for the little one who will be here within weeks.  We are excited, unafraid, and eager to return home to Huehue with the town’s one and only gringa baby.  She already is the most loved human and we haven’t even met her yet. 

Pregnancy in Guatemala: Brooklin’s Take

I’ve never been pregnant, and hopefully never will be. While the excuse to eat lots of ice cream is nice, the whole thing about growing a little human inside of you is a kind of freaky I doubt I could handle. I’ll leave that to Becca. I can’t say I know what it is like to be pregnant, but I can say pregnancy causes you to reconsider pretty much everything. Your life goals, your plan for the future, how you think you’ll parent, your priorities – it pretty much all goes up in smoke, and then resettles in new patterns. Some things stay the same, some things shift, and some things you leave so far behind you can’t even see them in the rearview mirror. This is how it happened with me, at least. It will probably shift all over again once our little one is actually born. There’s one thing I know won’t change, no matter what: becoming parents has shown me a kind of love I didn’t know existed. Cliché or not, that’s the truth. Other than that unintentionally trite bit of insight, this isn’t so much my take on pregnancy in Guatemala and more my take on life in Guatemala the past two months.

I won’t lie – the last eight weeks have been emotional.  Death and new life, marriage and automobile accidents, new lines of work and old attachments, adoption and abandonment, hellos and goodbyes, promises kept and promises broken – these have all made an appearance in the most recent chapter of our lives. Not all of this has affected us directly, but even indirect contact with the highs and lows experienced by our community have had a toll. But these experiences have left me with another conviction: there is no place I would rather be (cue Clean Bandit/Will Reagan music, depending on your preference). When a girl close to our heart is adopted, I feel a strange combination of joy and missing. There’s no word for it. I have never in my life experienced what it feels like to miss someone, knowing that you most likely will never see them again. Combine that with the secure knowledge that they are now with a loving family, and it becomes indescribable. I could say the same for a dozen different things that have happened the past two months. Joy, frustration, anger, peace, hope, and anticipation have all risen to the surface, either simultaneously or one after the other. Through all of this, I am thankful for the knowledge that we are in the right place, and that we are doing the right thing. I just pray that we continue in our ability to do it.

We arrived in Guatemala City, the big bustling capital of the country, two days ago. Right now, I am very grateful for some time as a family. That family is just the two of us, for now, but very soon it will be three. And I know without a doubt that we will need time together before jumping back into the fray. Please continue to pray with us as we welcome our daughter into the world and figure out how to continue the work that we are called to here. My hope is to push a kind of spiritual and emotional reset button with our time here in the city. I know that’s not how it works – but I can hope, can I not?

Pregnancy photos taken in the hills above Huehue! Photo Cred: Sophia Acosta

Bumps & Transitions

updates from Becca

After a year of being house parents and finding out that we would be expecting our first gringa child, our lives demanded change.  Taking care of ten girls under ten years old, while living at an institutional home with no boundaries between us, staff, eighty other children and our pet cockroaches, was lovely, but taking care of ten girls while expecting another one was simply no longer doable.   Today, I (Becca) am 32 weeks pregnant and very aware of how pregnant I am.  The past few months, my bump has gotten bigger while my ability to take care of children all day has gotten smaller.  I feel like it is necessary to send our friends, family, and supporters an update of how Baby Nash has led us to some life changes.

Living space: One of our first big changes was moving out of the children’s home.  We found a nice apartment about a five minute drive from the home.  Creating physical boundaries in our lives between us and the home has been a healthy experience and will be important for raising our daughter like a more typical family (We don’t need normal, but a little bit more normalcy is healthy for us right now).  Though it might seem crazy, having our own place for the first time in two years feels luxurious and we can’t get over it.  No one knocks on our door right before going to sleep or before waking up, no one stomps on our aluminum roof, and well, it’s much easier to keep clean.  Our marriage is my favorite thing in the world, and it just got better because I get to talk to my husband without interruption, unimaginable exhaustion, or pressure to do anything else.  We will be better spouses and parents for our little gringita with this simple change and have no regrets.

Different roles: Because of Baby Nash and some secondary reasons, we have transitioned into different roles.  We are 100% committed to the house parent model at our home and will be using our different skills to develop this program further.  When we started as house parents, we were the guinea pigs to see how it worked within our home.  After being cute guinea pigs, we realized that the home needs extra support to develop infrastructure, training resources, and funds to make house parenting sustainable.  For these reasons, Brook has taken on a more administrative role within our organization, focusing on all external relations.  I have taken on a support role for other house parents, acting as a “respite parent,” a fancy term for babysitter, who specializes in sitting with children in trouble, picking out lice, passing out mangos, and helping with homework time.  I prefer the term “house tia,” because I feel like I am an aunt to all the children at this point.  I will also be helping Brook find grants, develop training resources, and work on social media projects, that focus on growing our house parenting program.  After our gringita comes, we shall see how to be a good mom and a good house tia to our other children.  I know God’s plans are good and in the upcoming months, we will be learning how to do our little family within the context of our huge family.

The girls: Since transitioning, the home has also undergone its own changes.  It has been our dream to divide up age groups and put sibling together.  With our transition and the transition of other house parents, we had the opportunity to do that.  All the girls under 13 are in a group of mixed ages and are mostly with their sisters.  They now have different house moms, both of which are Guatemalan, and are doing well.  It is more family-like in its design because the older girls can help with the younger ones and sisters actually are in the same room.  I still help out with both groups of girls daily and can see the positive impact these changes are having on the girls and how much more sustainable this structure is for the house moms.  Instead of having ten girls who cannot tie their own shoes yet and who have energy to fly a rocket to the moon (or, in the case of the older group of girls, enough attitude to make the Spice Girls arch their eyebrows), there is now a beautiful balance in the groups.

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Overall, this baby bump of mine has brought change in our lives and the children’s home.  We are excited about the positive changes this is bringing for everybody involved and how we can contribute to developing the house-parenting program in the future.  We are committed to loving and serving these kids in the best ways we can, while also honoring the Lord in taking care of the marriage and life inside of me he has gifted us with.   Thanks for your continued prayers, support and love! – The Nashes            

P.S. You can also read more about Story International, the organization we work with, in the newest newsletter here: http://us4.campaign-archive1.com/?u=a4b6762c069a8f191ac310429&id=59acabb66b

snapped by one of our Guatemalan house parents in the children's home

the house parenting program is growing! Photo Cred: Sophia Acosta